i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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