i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
