whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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