i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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