woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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