So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
