using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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