Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm at about main and main street
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
