I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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