Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My liver just broke up with me...
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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