I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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