I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
