I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
