This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
