My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
