i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
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