if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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