she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
