I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
