Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
