the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We are all done wearing pants today
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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