I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
