when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Randomize