I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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