am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
