Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
