I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
