i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
