I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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