I think scott just propositioned me for sex
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
