I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Everything about him screamed your future.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Watching her eat just hurts me
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
