im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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