Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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