Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
