You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
