a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
