I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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