Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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