Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
My balls are so social today.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
