you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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