Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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