Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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