We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
