i'm lost and i look like a hooker
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
