those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We left an ass print on the piano.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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