went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
