I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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