I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
