we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
