11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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