Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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