Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Hippo gnu deer
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
