Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
