$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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