I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
