So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize