nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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