I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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