Redeem this text for a blowjob
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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